Basic Male Guide to Female Communication

Most of the time, relationships are wrecked all because of something that could’ve been avoided so easily – learning how to communicate with females. I mean, females are tricky they hand out a million moods at once and it’s hard to catch up. Hopefully, after this mini guide, guys will be able to save their relationships by simply learning how females communicate.

• When she says she is almost ready and asks you to give her 5 min – come with your fully charged laptop, connect your joystick and play your FIFA game in the car because she’s coming out the house in an hour, you might as well make yourself comfortable. [NB: Be outside though because she might just throw a tantrum if she peeks out the window and you aren’t there although reality is that she hasn’t yet decided on what she is going to wear and still needs to go iron whatever she decides on]

• If you are texting her and all of a sudden she stops using emojis – READ UP… See where she stopped using them? That’s where you messed up brother. Humble yourself and correct yourself. If you don’t see anything wrong with what you said, kindly ask her to help you [NB: There is a greater chance that she will help you if you are smart enough to identify the text that ruined everything]

• Do not, I repeat, do not ask her where she would like to eat because I guarantee you that she already knows she wants the Double Quarter Pounder with cheese from McDonalds with extra extra extra fries BUT she will look at you so innocently and say, “I don’t know”. TELL her where you are taking her (preferably a restaurant you know she doesn’t like) so that she can speak up and give suggestions.

• When she tells you stories about her day and how she woke up to a cockroach crawling on her pillow, stories on how her cat died this morning and stories about struggling to find the right foundation and lipstick – ‘act’ interested in the stories and I put that in inverted commas because on the real, you couldn’t care less about the roach and the cat and you can’t relate to her story about the make-up. So act it out by gasping and using words like, ‘Oh my!’, ‘Really though?’, ‘Goodness me!’, ‘You lie!’ and sprinkle those words by using the appropriate facial expressions.

GOOD LUCK 

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