Perpetually Passing The Pain On Purpose

January 7, 2017 in Articles - 3 min read

After days, weeks, months or years of committing ourselves to relationships we eventually get our hearts broken. After all the time and energy we have invested into the relationship our partners still manage to tell us, “its not you, its me…” (do people still actually say that though?). It is heartbreaking but we also break hearts too. Sometimes we intend to and well sometimes we don’t want to but we have to and we know that our partner (soon-to-be-ex) might just die from a heartache. This happens when someone falls for us and gets too attached and on the other hand we are just too scared to tell them that it is not that deep. After the heartache, we end up having this low-key urge to break another person’s heart.

One person or the other is bound to get hurt out of a relationship. Whenever we end a serious relationship of which drained all the love out of us we become a bit heartless and the next person who shows us any sign of affection becomes a victim. We have this feeling telling us that our new partners have just arrived to do what the previous one has done hence instead of falling in love and letting things flow, we are just on a look out, patiently waiting for them to break our hearts.

We become heartless in the name of, “all girls/boys are the same” which then means that we find it hard to forget what happened to us the last time we tried loving someone. So what ends up happening is that while the new partner is out here pouring out all they have, we are just consuming and while we are chilling with them we just think about why the sky is blue and if we remembered to take the chicken potions out the freezer before we left home. Why does this happen? Because we got attached in the previous relationship and now left with no love for anyone else who tries to enter our lives.

We allow ourselves to get into a relationship while we are still angry, wanting to take that anger out on someone and have this ‘I don’t care anymore mentality’. It is an ongoing, never-ending messed up cycle. Heartbreaks messes us up but the thing is, we don’t understand that we don’t love the same way.

People don’t fall in love the same way. Some people can kiss others just for fun and others kiss as a way of saying, “we are officially together now,”. Some people fall in love just because someone smiled at them and some people fall in love because you took them to Dubai or bought them PlayStation with the latest FIFA game.

It is perfectly normal to love someone to the point where we are so convinced that that is the person we were meant to spent the rest of our lives with but then again, it is perfectly normal for things not to turn out as we had wished and fantasized. What’s not normal is hurting the next person that rocks up in our lives making us all happy as if they were sent to do so in exchange for money.

As much as we possess similar characteristics with our friends and our gender in general, we are not all the same. With that said, it isn’t fair to say that all girls or all boys are the same because we do not have the same intentions when we get into a relationship. Despite how we have been treated previously we have to keep pouring out the love. Let us not avoid falling in love. Getting a new partner is a chance to prove that we have got bottomless love installed in our hearts and we might just receive the same kind of loving.


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  • Mohammed January 17, 2017 at

    Bottomless love? I think not lol

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    About Me

    About Me

    Hi and welcome! My name is Mbalenhle K but everyone calls me Mbali for short (say: mm-bah-lee). I am a freelance copywriter who loves all things art, experiences and aesthetics (big time Pinterest gworl 🧚🏽)! I am the founder of Budding Regardless where I talk about mindfulness, self-development and self-nurturing for creatives. Read More

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