Being A Woman Is Not A Competition

December 15, 2016 in Articles - 5 min read

“I absolutely love this girl. She is considered the most influential make-up artist in this city… That is so cool.”
“Yeah? Well I heard that back when she was in primary, she used to wet herself like everyday and her boyfriend is cheating on her anyway,”

We will say anything to get ourselves back or to remain on the pedestal.
It is such a crazy thing, females legit lack the ability to genuinely care for one other, to be genuinely happy around one another and to be genuine towards one another. Here is the problem, we see being female as a competition to be the best in the nest. The winning way to be at the top of this ‘game’ is by shaming anyone who dare threatens our highness.
Females are finding it so challenging to support and cheer one another. Judging each other’s body shapes and body weight is a common habit. We say that ballet is not something for the plus-sized (Side note: Ballet is about discipline, it has nothing to do with weight). Seeing another female doing well, tends to offend and intimidate us. We cannot bare seeing someone prosper, we just have to say something bad…

This one time we were performing a dance piece at a ‘Women’s Conference’ during Women’s day. While we were absorbing the applauds from the audience after the performance, a ‘woman’ sitting in the front row told one of my fellow performers to consider going to the gym rather… At a ‘Women’s Conference’ with the theme about ’empowering women’ on ‘Women’s Day’ a remark as such was blurted out. God bless your soul.

It is such a shame what we have to do and say to make ourselves feel better than someone else. We even go to the extent of judging someone by their background, completely unaware of the fact that where we were born and bred is not something we chose. What we are probably most famous for is gossiping. We are all professional actors – we chill together for hours and take selfies together (Caption: #GoBestfriend) and trust one another with all our secrets and dreams. The very next day, magically, the whole community knows about what we did last summer. #GoBestfriend post removed

This other time as I was waiting for my mother to fetch me from campus. To avoid being seen as a loner, I went to chill with a group of girls I was familiar with, there were about 6 of them. After sometime of sharing laughter, one of the girls had to leave and right after she was out of sight, those that remained started badmouthing her. Me, being totally uncomfortable because of this unexpected turnout, I smiled throughout. Minutes later, 2nd girl had to leave and again, the backbiting commenced. Just when I thought that was it, the 3rd girl left and to my surprise the same was done unto her too. Now you can only imagine how scared I was to get that ”Come out, I’m outside” text from my mother.

We are all quite aware of theories such as ‘guy-code’ – both males and females know the codes. They are just rules that guys conform to, to keep things cool and on a neutral gear with one another. How much talk has there ever been about girl-code though? It has probably been a thing once upon a time but realizing that no one is obeying, the codes might as well be displayed at the museum with dinosaurs, dodos, mammoths and other extinct things.

We show minimal care when someone gets hurt. It becomes the funniest thing to murmur about when we hear that someone got cheated on.
“She thinks she’s the juice and the sauce. She deserves it,”

When females find out that their partners are being unfaithful, they run and attack the female that their partners are cheating with. What are you doing? And the logical explanation behind that? The partner is the problem here right? Why don’t you confront him rather? Goodness gracious, you both got played. Gang up on him.

3 years ago, a friend told me who was asking her out. To our surprise, this was the same guy that was asking me out too. Well then, how can a game possibly be fun when you are playing it alone? So my friend and I decided to play along too – of course he did not know. For the mission to be successful, it was necessary for us to pretend as if we are falling for his words and actions. After countless savage stunts including: “Okay, he has just called me saying he wants to see me at 4. Call him after some time and tell him YOU want to see him at 4,” we planned a date to actually confront this situation.
“Heeeeyyy, I’m actually with my friend just because I don’t wanna stand alone while waiting for you. Cool?”
“Yeah cool. I’m on my way”
When he arrived, we were ‘all’ stunned by the fact that we know one another.
The guy was merely asking us out but we set a storm as if we had just found out that we are both married to him and both have 5 babies with him. After all that exaggerated (but necessary) drama we both said our farewells. Go be useless somewhere else.

There is honestly so much we can do together. As females we need to realize that if we stand united, we cannot be defeated. It’s a cold world. The feeling of others aren’t taken into consideration. Can we not make it hard for one another to find someone to trust? There is nothing wrong with having a kind soul towards a sister. Females are soft – very fragile. They need to be held and asked about their well-being at every second. It is quite shocking that knowing how hard it is to be a female, we still find it alright to let each other go through the worst. Being female is NOT a competition. The next female’s shine does not dim your light.


  • zeebala June 28, 2017 at

    Very well said we females should learn to stand by each other and also support one another more instead of the unnecessary jealousy and hates.. Nice postπŸ‘πŸ‘

  • LEEYO June 15, 2017 at

    I love this post. Interesting read and very relevant. Yaas girl #Milknhunee. I support females.

    • Mbalenhle June 15, 2017 at

      Thank you so much for reading πŸ’•. Glad you enjoyed it 😊

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    About Me

    Hi and welcome! My name is Mbalenhle K but everyone calls me Mbali for short (say: mm-bah-lee). I am a freelance copywriter who loves all things art, experiences and aesthetics (big time Pinterest gworl 🧚🏽)! I am the founder of Budding Regardless where I talk about mindfulness, self-development and self-nurturing for creatives. Read More

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