What We Need to Unlearn About Adulting

Welcome to the last episode of this Unlearning Month. I must say, it has been a success, I generally just enjoy hearing thoughts from other people on any topic and this month I really did a lot of thinking and rethinking. Anyway, if you missed out on all the episodes, do check them out – Episode 1, Episode 2 and Episode 3.

I decided to go solo on this post to share some of my thoughts on What We Need to Unlearn About Adulting. For some very odd reason, when we were young all we wanted to do is become an adult but now we all want to be young again because well it’s tough in the adult world. We grew up with ideas on what being an adult is all about and I bet you didn’t think it would be like this hey? I mean, sometimes it’s really cool knowing that now you are a grown person that can make their own decisions and be involved in family meetings but almost everything about being an adult has its pros and cons.

With me, I am responsible for making sure that we have tenants renting hence I actually have some money to do what I want but getting tenants in my area is hard and stressful and having tenants is also stressful – basically I am forever stressed (but happy at the same time). I was excited when I got my driver’s license a year ago and it’s great that I can drive myself anywhere now but woah having to wake up at 6.30am everyday to take my mother to work and getting stuck in traffic every afternoon on my way to fetch her is not fun at all. See? Pros and cons.

In all honesty, I feel like adulting can be mastered as long as you can just forget about most of the ideas you had about being an adult and as long as you know not to follow some of the standard ‘rules’ of being an adult, we are gonna be alright. So, here’s my take on this adulting world…

• You don’t have to have life figured out by now

Listen, whoever taught us about being an adult surely missed out the part where they tell us that finding ourselves takes time. All we know is that after primary school we go to high/secondary school, after that we go to college and after that we work, get married, start a family and die. Omw! It’s not even like that. See the ‘college’ part? That’s where we get messed up because we are quite unsure of what we want to do and those of us who are sure are either judged or our parents just don’t support the idea – it gets a little trippy here. But you know things take time hey, so forget about who’s ‘making’ it and who’s running around in circles. If you still don’t know who you are and what you want to do, be patient with yourself, you’ll figure it out one day and you will realise that you have learnt a lot from not knowing.

• Keeping a journal (or journals) can be quite helpful

I can already sense the face you just made after reading this point. You are probably thinking… a journal? Really? What are we – 12? Haha. Well, I don’t necessarily mean a “Dear Diary” type of journal – I have 7 journals (yeah now that I am mentioning it I just realized that is a looooot) and they all serve a different purpose. Journals can help you stay organised, they can help you clear your mind and you can even use them to note down a random idea hence you don’t forget it. So stop sleeping on journals and put yourself on!

• There’s no need for alcohol and/or weed at a chill session with friends

Yeah, again, I can sense your facial expression but hear me out… there are people who cannot chill with their own friends without having drinks or getting high. Are y’all okay? Y’all can’t just chill and have some snacks perhaps? See this mentality is scary, please surprise your lungs and livers every now and then with some water. I am worried about people who use drinking and smoking as a coping mechanism, surely there’s something else we can do.

• People are actually busy

You have probably seen quotes like, “if they don’t text back then they just don’t care or have time for you”, I mean to a certain extent that can be true but then again we are all busy – even those of us who are always sleeping, we are busy sleeping. Also, if you are interested in someone tell them or fight your feelings to stop liking them, instead of beating around the bush and hoping they catch on. With so much going on in the world and our lives, no one has time to be figuring out what you are trying to say – people are busy.

• You are going to be insecure about everything

Your looks, what you are doing with your life, how you behave, how you are perceived – everything. You will be unsure about everything from time to time. Even a clear joke from a friend will send your mind thinking and overthinking what they just said about you. Some days you will feel like you look bomb AF and be proud of where you are in life and on that very same day you could be doubting everything all over again. It happens. We are growing up, things that didn’t matter back then matter now but it’s important to remember that we are actually doing the best we can do and we need to always remain kind to ourselves.

That’s it for now,

Thank you again to everyone who participated on this series. A friend of mine said to me recently, “You are changing the world one blog at a time,” although I thought that was a bit dramatic, it actually meant so much to me and hopefully I was able to make people learn and unlearn a lot this month. Thank you for reading.