The “Investigation” on Women’s Sexual Activity

February 28, 2017 in Articles - 3 min read


There are quite a number of things l do not understand and the more I do my research on those things, the more I actually get confused. I don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to work. The importance to examine girls to see if they are sexually active or not is just one of those things I struggle so badly to understand.

In some cultures in South Africa (and probably some other African countries too), girls have to get their virginity ‘tested’ and in some cases the point of all this is defended by a certain biblical reference about women remaining pure until marriage. Nonetheless, to me, there is absolutely no logical explanation as to why this has to be done.

Growing up, girls are taught to value themselves and know their worth. They are told to respect their genitals and not to let a man touch them – sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively. Why then should their bodies be ‘investigated’? It’s more or less like telling someone not to touch a piece of candy then taking the candy to the forensic scientists to check for fingerprints every now and then. Where does the trust lie in all of that?

Why are women expected to be pure until a certain age? Is it not up to the individual to decide when they want to start being sexually active? Young girls do not know who to talk to about sex because nobody is even expecting them to commit themselves to it, yet they are still the ones to blame when they get pregnant. Why do we find it fitting to criticize a young girl that gets pregnant when the only people she can turn to for guidance are misleading friends?

Women are expected to live according to their parents expectations of them – not to sexually interact with the opposite gender until the age of 21 (sometimes beyond that). Nonetheless, we are perfectly fine with men being sexual before the age of 21. So… who are they sleeping with?

We are lenient on the men, the majority are given sexual advice when an older guardian suspects that they are active. At a particular age, most families give boys ‘the talk’ regarding the risks of having sex, the rules and regulations, the dos and don’ts, pros and cons and terms and conditions that apply. On the other hand, girls have themselves to depend on since it is not likely for them to be told to sit down and given ‘the talk’ and they will never wake up one day and decide ‘you know what, today is the day I talk to someone about this’.

It is quite impossible to test boys for virginity and that fact alone could be a good enough reason for the ‘investigating’ to come to an end. It’s relevance is fading away now, although for me, there never was one to begin with. Let girls be girls, let them live their lives without having to worry about what society will have to say about them once they engage in sexual activity. Preach the importance of self-respect to girls but forget about telling them when to start sexually interacting with the opposing gender – that is beyond your control.

That’s it for now, 


  • andysmerdon March 23, 2017 at

    Excellent post – I particularly think your sentence “It is quite impossible to test males for virginity and that fact alone could be a good enough reason for the ‘investigating’ to come to an end”, is so true and all the evidence that is needed to stop this preposterous invasion of a young woman’s personal life. Kind regards

  • lifestyleforyoureyes March 15, 2017 at

    Great post! I strongly agree with you on something’s in life are just so complex and no matter how hard you search for answers it just ends up spiralling out of control!

    I really appreciate that you point out that young men are more aware of sexual interactions at a young age as it is usually seen as more acceptable for them to be active but girls on the other hand are usually left in the dark. From personal experience, I have definitely learned all I know about sexual relations from friends, health class in highschool (barely learned much) and lastly the good old internet! Even up to today, my parents and I will not discuss this topic and to be honest at this age I’m more than happy to keep it this way but that may have all been different if it was openly discussed at a younger age and not seen as the unspoken topic!

  • oldpoet56 March 6, 2017 at

    I believe that this double standard has been part of reality for thousands of years, is it right? No, very few double standards are, if any.

  • Paula from Her Life is Love March 3, 2017 at

    Yes! I am all for what you have written.

  • exoticnita54 March 3, 2017 at

    Well written and well spoken ..

    Society is so biased…
    and some countries are still living in the dark ages ….

    But we all have to do what we think is right for us and our own

  • davekingsbury March 1, 2017 at

    A human rights issue that, alas, remains unresolved for too many.

  • navvirk February 28, 2017 at

    This whole concept has such negative impact on their psychology that they start developing a fear from their own body..this is so adverse that even she feels like committing a crime in discovering her own body which solely belongs to her.. the whole ideology of virginity for just woman is intolerable..

  • TheThingsILearnt February 28, 2017 at

    Hey, I so agree with you. I am from India and here this “Stay Virgin till marriage” thing is on another level. You suppose to be a virgin till marriage. You cant talk to anybody about it(Other than your friends may be) ,you’ll be judged if you are not a Virgin. Sex education in schools is just a formality, even teachers feel shameful to talk about it.

    Things are changing but the pace is very slow sadly.

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    Hi and welcome! My name is Mbalenhle K but everyone calls me Mbali for short (say: mm-bah-lee). I am a freelance copywriter who loves all things art, experiences and aesthetics (big time Pinterest gworl 🧚🏽)! I am the founder of Budding Regardless where I talk about mindfulness, self-development and self-nurturing for creatives. Read More

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