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The Aftermath of Long-term Relationships 

September 5, 2017 in Articles - 3 min read

Let me start off by making you understand why I can write a whole post about long-lasting relationships – I have been in 3 long-term relationships, the 1st one lasted 3 years, 2nd one 1 complete year and the 3rd one, which ended in August, lasted for 4 years.

My cousin has always told me that I seem to attract guys with characteristics that are exactly the same  – hilarious clowns who spoil me, love me and protect me (well they probably protect me because I’m super tiny and physically fragile – the wind could even blow me away so hold my hand, just in case. Haha!)

One sure does learn from being in long-lasting relationships, you learn to love and how you want to be loved. You learn to listen, understand and you gain communication skills. You also learn to detach yourself from people’s opinions on how relationships are supposed to be, you focus on what works for the both of you.

Parting ways with someone you have committed yourself to for years can be very daunting because you had become so used to being with someone, talking to that one person everyday and creating memories with them. Trying to adapt from having all of that one day to not having it the next day is pretty terrifying. What makes things worse are the people who unintentionally break your heart even more by saying things such as, “…but you guys were my favourite,” “Yall should get back together,” “I was so sure yall were going to get married”. It is never easy trying to make people understand.

Since you have been together for such a long time, even your family members know and approve of your relationship – but what angle and technique are you going to use to approach them about the separation?

When you have been with one person for a full 3 or 4 years (with no breaks and break ups in between) you literally become inseparable bestfriends. People viewing this from outside would think that is great, no lie it is great but no one ever mentions how it can tear you to lose both your partner and your bestfriend in one go.

Who do you double text every minute? Who encourages you to keep talking while you are blabbering about your day which was clearly not interesting at all? Who do you get excited to see almost everyday? Who do you share memes with? When do you let go of the folder of pictures you took together? Again, parting ways with someone you have committed yourself to for years can be very daunting.

Hearts are easily healed if you and your partner talk things through until you are both on the same level of understanding. That means you would have made peace with the situation and still get along with each other. If you avoid making peace with one another, you could end up carrying that weight with you for the rest of your life hence talk it out – say what you are honestly feeling.

I hope that you stop beating yourself up because your relationships do not last that long. Flow with whichever river that flows and stop trying too hard. We were created to love not to hate – wear your heart on your sleeve and when your heart cracks, let it heal by taking it one day at a time.


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23 Comments

  • beardsandblush September 5, 2017 at 22:18

    Such a good conclusion!! Loved this, it’s so true- ended relationships are not the end of the world even though they may feel like it is. It’s the start of something new

    • Mbalenhle September 7, 2017 at 13:09

      Surely not the end of the world 🌻. Thank you so much 💖

  • mukelwa September 6, 2017 at 13:25

    and the thing with being in a relationship for that long mans you are fully committed to each other.He becomes your best friend,family,everything.But that is just the beauty of life the fact that it might end or it might not end makes love so worth it

    • Mbalenhle September 7, 2017 at 13:10

      That is totally true 💖

  • hell0chloe September 6, 2017 at 13:52

    I’ve never even been in a relationship but this was still so interesting / reassuring to read, I love how you wrote about it in a positive and informative way, rather than with the sadness and heartbreak that it’s associated with. Great post .x

    • Mbalenhle September 7, 2017 at 13:12

      Hello Chloe 😊. I’m glad l gave you a little virtual experience. Thank you for reading 💖💖

  • Deshi Nenkinan Nehemiah September 6, 2017 at 21:18

    👏👏👏Nice advice Mbalenhle. Great post i can tell it took some hard earned courage to write it.

    • Mbalenhle September 7, 2017 at 13:13

      It sure did Deshi ☺. Glad you enjoyed it 🤗💛

  • 🌹V.O.L September 7, 2017 at 01:20

    Beautiful advice! You’re also clearly doing something right to have maintained such serious relationships xx❤️

    • Mbalenhle September 7, 2017 at 13:15

      Thanks Victoria 💕. Meanwhile l have no idea what it is that I’m doing right 😀🙈

  • Cherylene September 7, 2017 at 13:02

    Well said, Mbalenhle! I’m sorry that it did not work out but like you said take it one day at a time. Best wishes to you.

    • Mbalenhle September 7, 2017 at 13:16

      Thank you so much Cherylene 🤗💞. Healing is a process, I sure will be okay ☺

  • beardsandblush September 7, 2017 at 22:32

    No problem hun ♡

  • Nothile September 16, 2017 at 09:22

    “I hope that you stop beating yourself up because your relationships do not last that long. Flow with whichever river that flows and stop trying too hard. We were created to love not to hate – wear your heart on your sleeve and when your heart cracks, let it heal by taking it one day at a time.” This though☝🏿🙆🏾 Mbalenhle don’t ever stop writing!

    • Mbalenhle September 17, 2017 at 15:19

      I never will🤗. Thank you so much Nothile 💖

  • mentalillness768 October 1, 2017 at 06:23

    Thank you:) i needed to reads this. Its hard to have peace after a break up.The seperation is one of the hardest things after the break up.

  • mamashanika October 12, 2017 at 04:28

    After just having a break up after 7 years, it’s the best to have a common ground when you both leave,just like you stated. It makes it easier for the next relationship. Great,I needed this.

    • Mbalenhle October 12, 2017 at 07:14

      That’s very true ☺! Thanks for stopping by, glad you loved it 💖

  • Relationship Goals November 3, 2017 at 20:49

    Its really difficult to end a long term relationship , but it is more difficult to stand in a situation where you dont know you should hold on your move on. I really can not decide what to do. Its almost 4 years I am realtionship and it is my first relationship, may be this is why it is hard for me

  • Relationship Goals November 14, 2017 at 13:26

    I have been in relationship for 4 years and honestly it wasnt easy. We live in 2 different country, 2 different religion and culture, there were times we almost broke -up but some how we came up stronger. I agree with you, for a long term relationship, both must have same level of understandings and without it, it is very difficult to continue

    • Mbalenhle November 15, 2017 at 12:34

      I’m glad you stay together through thick and thin though 💖. I can imagine how hard it is since you stay in different countries but the fun comes in when you have to learn each others cultures 🌼. Wishing you more years with your partner 💞

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    About Me

    Hi! I am Mbalenhle Khuzwayo, but everyone calls me Mbali for short. I am a lifestyle blogger who focuses on mental wellness, travel and social media marketing. Sign up to the monthly newsletter for insights on the personal side of my life and exclusive tips Read More

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