Let me start off by making you understand why I can write a whole post about long-lasting relationships – I have been in 3 long-term relationships, the 1st one lasted 3 years, 2nd one 1 complete year and the 3rd one, which ended in August, lasted for 4 years.
My cousin has always told me that I seem to attract guys with characteristics that are exactly the same – hilarious clowns who spoil me, love me and protect me (well they probably protect me because I’m super tiny and physically fragile – the wind could even blow me away so hold my hand, just in case. Haha!)
One sure does learn from being in long-lasting relationships, you learn to love and how you want to be loved. You learn to listen, understand and you gain communication skills. You also learn to detach yourself from people’s opinions on how relationships are supposed to be, you focus on what works for the both of you.
Parting ways with someone you have committed yourself to for years can be very daunting because you had become so used to being with someone, talking to that one person everyday and creating memories with them. Trying to adapt from having all of that one day to not having it the next day is pretty terrifying. What makes things worse are the people who unintentionally break your heart even more by saying things such as, “…but you guys were my favourite,” “Yall should get back together,” “I was so sure yall were going to get married”. It is never easy trying to make people understand.
Since you have been together for such a long time, even your family members know and approve of your relationship – but what angle and technique are you going to use to approach them about the separation?
When you have been with one person for a full 3 or 4 years (with no breaks and break ups in between) you literally become inseparable bestfriends. People viewing this from outside would think that is great, no lie it is great but no one ever mentions how it can tear you to lose both your partner and your bestfriend in one go.
Who do you double text every minute? Who encourages you to keep talking while you are blabbering about your day which was clearly not interesting at all? Who do you get excited to see almost everyday? Who do you share memes with? When do you let go of the folder of pictures you took together? Again, parting ways with someone you have committed yourself to for years can be very daunting.
Hearts are easily healed if you and your partner talk things through until you are both on the same level of understanding. That means you would have made peace with the situation and still get along with each other. If you avoid making peace with one another, you could end up carrying that weight with you for the rest of your life hence talk it out – say what you are honestly feeling.
I hope that you stop beating yourself up because your relationships do not last that long. Flow with whichever river that flows and stop trying too hard. We were created to love not to hate – wear your heart on your sleeve and when your heart cracks, let it heal by taking it one day at a time.